The state of dating

Situationships, explained: why they happen, and how to get out of one

By Kenneth Kintsugi, holistic relationship specialist · Jul 1, 2026 · 6 min read

You’ve been seeing each other for months. You text every day, you’ve met some friends, there’s a toothbrush situation. But you’ve never once said what this is, and every time you get close, the conversation slides sideways. Congratulations: you’re in a situationship. Here’s what the term actually means, why it’s become the default setting of modern dating, and how to get out of one (or skip it entirely).

What is a situationship?

A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that has no label and no agreed direction. It’s more than a hookup and less than a relationship, and, crucially, it stays that way on purpose. Nobody has said “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” “partner,” or “exclusive.” The ambiguity isn’t an accident on the way to commitment; it’s the whole arrangement.

The tell is the lack of forward motion. A new relationship builds, toward exclusivity, toward meeting the important people, toward a shared idea of where it’s going. A situationship plateaus and stays there, sometimes for a very long time.

How common are they?

Extremely. In a 2026 YouGov survey, around two in five Americans said they’d been in a situationship, and that jumped to roughly half of 18–34-year-olds. It’s common enough that plenty of daters now assume it’s the normal first phase of seeing someone.

But here’s the twist the numbers reveal: most people don’t actually want one. In the 2026 Singles in America study (Match and the Kinsey Institute), 46% of singles said they’re ready for a committed relationship right now. So we have a huge gap, situationships everywhere, and a lot of people quietly wishing they were in something real instead.

Why situationships happen

They’re not really about people wanting less. They’re about a dating environment that makes ambiguity the path of least resistance:

• The apps sell endless options. When there’s always another profile a swipe away, defining things feels like closing a door. So people keep the door cracked, indefinitely.
• Nobody wants to be the one who “caught feelings.” Naming what you want feels risky, so both people perform casualness and wait for the other to flinch first.
• Ambiguity avoids rejection. If it was never officially anything, it can’t officially end, and no one has to hear “no.” A situationship is, for a lot of people, a way to dodge a hard conversation.
• It’s comfortable, for a while. You get companionship and intimacy without the vulnerability of saying it matters. That trade feels fine right up until it doesn’t.

Signs you’re in one

• You can’t say what you are to other people, you dodge the “so what are you two?” question.
• Plans are always short-term. Nothing is booked more than a week or two out.
• Big parts of their life stay off-limits, friends, family, the future.
• Every attempt to “talk about it” gets deflected, joked away, or postponed.
• You feel more anxious after time together, not more secure.

How to get out of a situationship

The exit is a single honest conversation, the one the whole arrangement is built to avoid. It doesn’t need to be a confrontation. It needs to be clear:

• Say what you actually want. Not “where is this going?” (which hands them the wheel) but “I want a committed relationship, and I want to know if that’s something we’re building toward.”
• Give it a real timeline. “Someday” is how situationships survive. A soft deadline, in your own head is fine, keeps you honest about how long you’ll wait for an answer.
• Treat non-answers as answers. “I’m not ready to label it” after six months is the label. Someone who wants the same future you do will be relieved to say so, not evasive.
• Be willing to walk. The conversation only has power if leaving is genuinely on the table. Clarity you’re not prepared to act on is just another delay.

And to be fair: situationships aren’t evil. If both people genuinely want something low-key and low-commitment, that’s a real, valid choice. They only turn corrosive when one person wants more and stays anyway, trading the real thing for the hope of it.

How to avoid them in the first place

Situationships thrive on ambiguity, so the antidote is intention, knowing what you’re looking for and matching with people who want the same thing before the feelings (and the toothbrush) show up. That’s the opposite of swiping, where mutual vagueness is basically the house style. (We dig into what to look for instead in green flags to look for in dating and values-based dating.)

It’s also the whole idea behind NexSpark. A few honest questions reveal your relationship archetype and the kind of person you’re genuinely compatible with, and everyone comes in clear about wanting something real, then a human matchmaker, assisted by AI, makes the introduction. No endless options, no performing casualness, no undefined middle. Just two people who both know what they’re there for.

The bottom line

A situationship is the relationship you have when you’re avoiding the conversation about the relationship. Sometimes that’s exactly what both people want. But if you’re one of the 46% who’s ready for something real, the fastest way out isn’t another month of waiting for it to clarify itself, it’s deciding you’d rather have the truth than the maybe.

Frequently asked questions

What is a situationship?
A situationship is an ongoing romantic or sexual relationship that has no label and no agreed direction, more than casual, less than committed, and deliberately undefined.

How do I get out of a situationship?
Have one direct define-the-relationship conversation: say what you want, ask what they want, and set a real deadline. If your answers don't line up, treat that as the answer and step away, clarity is the whole point.

Are situationships bad?
Not always, some people genuinely want something low-key. They become a problem when one person wants more and stays anyway, trading real commitment for the hope of it.